Something about this cooler weather just makes me want to write more. I started writing poetry at this time last year to process some of the grief I was working through and found so much healing in it. This year, I’m enjoying writing prose.

It started as updating and adding content to my website to match where I am currently, and has morphed into blog post after blog post being drafted and scheduled to post. I’ve begun to enjoy writing and sharing content again. 

I realized yesterday that my last post on my website was in October 2021. At the bottom of the valley, after a failed adoption and trial after trial wrecking my mental health, I couldn’t find the space to write. Space to create was not there. 

The world had pivoted for a global pandemic and crisis.

My sweet little boy had started kindergarten. And I was gripped by fear that something would happen to him. Sometimes, it was all I could do to make it to pick-up time each day and see his smiling face again and revel in playtime on the playground. To breathe a collective sigh of relief with all the other parents that we made it through another day, safely. 

Work was pivoting. The job I loved at the tile company was changing and it was not sustainable to stay there. So I started my own design firm. While just trying to survive every day, I started a business… can we just find the humor in that? Maybe trauma showing up in determination as I look back at that season, this morning. 

Family and friend crises following us around like a dog with a bone.

“Hurt people hurt people.” And I didn’t realize how much pain I was in until it was too late. My actions hurting those I loved the most. Grief upon grief. My pain causing pain. Imagine that? “I’m sorry” not being enough to fill the void anymore. 

And then there was 2022. Kindergarten finished. Plants found as the ground and I started to thaw. Dreams realized traveling to Yellowstone and Grand Tetons. Thirteen national parks or monuments visited in 21 days. Followed by a week in New Mexico for my grandmother’s funeral. Followed by first grade starting – and a collective breath holding. 

And then Cancer. Unknown. Unmoored. My husband sick. Fear gripping me again. 

And now 2023. But God… bringing life again to the dry places. Giving me grace to write again. Space to create. As I school my child at home, and paint during his work times. Space to run a business well. Space to till the ground and cultivate what matters. Space to learn about God again. Him bringing me through the valley. Space to awaken such longing in me that only He can satisfy. Dreams he’s forging deep in my soul.

And now, I get to lean in. I have space to create, breathe, heal. Space to see where the God of the universe is leading me and my little family. Space to just be myself. 

Will you join me on this journey of discovery? 

xo,

recah